Should you divorce?
Are you thinking about ending your marriage? Are you bored with your life and disillusioned with your mate? Anger over a husband s actions, disappointment over failed dreams, and the drag of everyday life has pushed many people to throw in the towel on a marriage. The first thing that you need to realize is that getting a divorce won t solve all of life s problems.
In fact, you will probably be faced with a whole new set of problems because of the divorce, such as less financial stability and support. If you re looking for a change of pace, there are more constructive avenues. No one but you knows whether a divorce is the best solution for your situation. You need to look into your heart and use logical reasoning to reach that decision.
You may be married to a man who is basically a good partner, provider, and father. If you still love your husband and just want your marriage to change, try marriage counseling before you talk about divorce.
Sometimes a stale and dying marriage can be brought back to life by pinpointing the problems and working on your marriage. Even if putting the extra effort into your marriage doesn’t t make it work, at least you can go into a divorce knowing that you gave it your best shot.
Don’t bring up divorce unless you really mean it! As a word of caution, don t threaten divorce unless you are actually ready to go through with it. Using emotional blackmail to get your husband to change can backfire on you if he decides to take you up on the threat.
Divorce is no way to work out your problems, and the threat of it will bring no lasting changes in your husband.
It s also best not to make the decision to divorce in the heat of anger. We all know how emotions can swing, and reacting out of anger can leave your reasoning abilities clouded. You may be justified in your anger, but let that anger subside before you call your lawyer. Once you have cooled off and looked at the situation from all angles, then make your decision.
How can you cope with your husband’s emotions
You may be totally floored by the way your husband reacts to your separation or divorce. He may come across as heartless and cold. He may do things that seem selfish, such as taking an extravagant vacation, buying a new vehicle, or ignoring the kids.
He may conveniently forget about promising to help support you while you are faced with the bill collectors and empty cupboards. Some can even turn violent, stalking and threatening you, especially if you are the one who initiated the divorce.
One of the most aggravating things that your husband may do is to make the changes that you so desperately wanted during your marriage.
Why couldn the have changed while you were still married?
Divorce jars some men to look in retrospect at their role in the marriage.Without having to fight the pressure from you to change, he can improve himself and his outlook without having his masculinity challenged.
Understanding why men react differently
While your husband s transformation during your separation and divorce can leave you standing there in utter disbelief, you need to realize that men and women react differently in matters of the heart.
This doesn t mean that your husband is not feeling just as hurt and lost as you are, he just deals with the emotions differently.
A lot of men are naturally competitive, and winning in your divorce may be what is most important to him at this time. With this approach, your husband may set his emotions to the side for a while and approach your divorce like a business deal.
Even the man that turns into a sociopath is focused on coming out a winner. If you lived with a controlling husband, he can lash out and be mean when he realizes that you are not under his thumb any longer. Once the divorce becomes a reality, he can still seek control through threats, stalking, and legal maneuvers.
This is an extremely hard situation to deal with, but you have to stay strong and keep your emotional reaction to his antics to yourself. If you cave in or throw up your hands to his demands, he in fact wins. |
